ISIS orders 100,000 Takata airbags

Dressed in a traditional Dishdasha and Smagh a man claiming to be an ISIS freedom fighter appeared in a video posted on the Internet yesterday announcing that the terrorist organization had placed orders for 100,000 of the recently recalled Takata airbags. The man’s face was covered and he was holding a machine gun in one hand and what appear to be the keys to a 2004 Toyota Corolla in the other.

“We have heard about these explosive, shrapnel-filled airbags installed in capitalist automobiles around the world and now it is time that we turn the weapons of the tyrannical west against themselves! Once the airbags are delivered we shall bury them along every road, in every field and throughout every city and town where any infidels may tread. Let this serve as a warning to all those who would dare to fight us on the ground. Praise be to Allah!”

According to a spokesperson from Takata the automobile parts manufacturer who built the airbags, “We’ve had a lot of interest from terrorist groups around the world since this whole recall thing surfaced. We’ve already shipped 1,000 units to a suicide bomber group in Palestine and are currently in talks with pro-Russian separatists in eastern Ukraine. There are a lot of conflicts going on in various parts of the world and we are glad to be able to help in any way we can.”

When asked about the legality of selling the airbags to ISIS the company said, “We are unaware of any laws prohibiting the sale of car parts to someone because of their particular religious or political beliefs. Anyone can buy an old Dodge Durango or Honda Civic or Nissan Maxima and remove the airbags themselves, although we don’t recommend trying it unless you are a certified mechanic. What ISIS does with the airbags once they have them is their own business.”

Representatives of NATO and the United Nations quickly released statements condemning Takata’s plans to sell the airbags to ISIS.

United States Ambassador to the United Nations Samantha Power said in a statement, “It is truly a dark day when defective automobile parts can be sold to known terrorist groups without consequence. Next thing you know we’ll be selling them faulty ignition switches, cup holders and God knows what else. What Takata is doing is going to make a difficult situation even worse than it already is.”