We will never stop telling you what to like, how to feel, and what movies you should be watching this year. One editor’s Sunday morning moment of meglomania.
2009 ended with that massiveness of geek love and hype otherwise known as Avatar. 2010 may not have anythnig to match it in terms of scale, but the variety of good movies promised to us means that our odds of having at least one decent date night have improved. Our odds of getting an actual date remain the same.
Robin Hood
Yes, indeed – Robin Hood, but without the infamous green tights! Well, for some strange reason, Ridley Scott of Blade Runner fame has decided to remake this classic film along with action star Russell Crowe.
Still, how bad can a Russell Crowe movie be? Wait, don’t answer that one.
Personally, I’d like to see Ridley Scott get on with his Blade Runner sequel before it’s too late!
In the meantime, however, we are stuck with a film that stars Cate Blanchett, Mark Strong, Kevin Durand, William Hurt, Vanessa Redgrave and Scott Grimes.
Could be worse – and Cate Blanchett will help the dull the pain, I’m sure!
The A-Team
I love it when a plan comes together, you know? It is probably safe to say that television buffs all over the world are looking forward to a remake of this nostalgic, and dare I say it, piece of classic television history.
I know I can’t wait to see Murdock, B.A. Baracus, Hannibal and Faceman back in action again.
But not Magnum, I swear it! And one other thing – I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!
Robocop
Because the 80’s are back, baby! According to COED Magazine, the original 1987 Robocop was actually a smart piece of social-commentary filmmaking.
Really? I never would have guessed!
“If you ask us, it doesn’t need to be remade and certainly can’t be improved upon. That said, director Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, Requiem for a Dream) is signed on to the project – an odd union, but at least this “reimagining” is in the hands of someone with an actual imagination. So while we’re excited about this one, we’re mostly just hoping nobody f**ks it up.”
The Book of Eli
Denzel Washington plays a tough character known as Eli who treks across a post-apocalyptic landscape that has been rendered almost uninhabitable by a massive war.
So, what is this movie really about?
Denzel Washington, the Book of Eli, or a post-apocalyptic nightmare that follows a war or badly handled economic recession?
The movie opens this weekend, so go and find out!
The Expendables
The ultimate geezer fantasy epic? Yes, sir! Sly Stallone is back in action directing a film about a wily team of mercenaries ordered to overthrow a South American dictator.
While the plot is hardly original, the movie is probably worth seeing, as it features an all-star cast, including: Guvenator Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Brittany Murphy, Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren.
Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?
One pill makes you larger and the other makes you small. But the one that mother gives you doesn’t do anything at all. Just ask Alice, when she’s 10 feet tall.
Er, oops. Wrong song, wrong movie and wrong century.
Then again, this movie is directed by Tim Burton, so it might not be that far off.
So, if you feel like falling down the rabbit hole yet again, be sure to watch the film, which includes the dashing Johnny Depp, the charming Mia Wasikowska and the sneering Michael Sheen.
Additional actors include Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, Crispin Glover and Christopher Lee.
The Last Airbender
Because we like saying Ramadama Shyamala and so do you. Well, OK, maybe not, but it was sure as hell worth a try.
Still, this gripping (yeah, right) story takes place in a world that has been divided into the Fire, Water, Earth, and Air Nations.
What? How did that happen?
Well, never you mind, because a young “airbender” named Aang has been tasked with stopping the nefarious Fire Nation from dominating this strange, yet wonderful world.
Can you say Harry Potter and Avatar? Because that is what I’m thinking!
Cast members include Noah Ringer, Dev Patel, Cliff Curtis, Jackson Rathbone, Shaun Toub and Aasif Mandvi.
Ah, yes, the
In
According to COED, if the movie is half as good as the first one, it will still be one of the better films of the year.
“Don Cheadle taking over the role of Jim Rhodes/War Machine from Terrence Howard? He’ll knock it out of the park. Jackson, Rockwell, and Rourke? Yes, please. Jon Favreau back in the director’s chair? If it’s half as good as the first one, it’ll still be one of the better movies of the year.”
Well, we shall see.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I
You can’t squeeze blood out of a stone!? Well, I’m sorry, but Warner Bros. begs to differ.
Yes, it seems as if we all must suffer through yet another friggin’ iteration of Harry Potter and his crazy posse who are on run the from, wait for it, OMG – Death Eaters!
All this and more awaits us, including a wild (and boring) attempt to locate the remaining Horcruxes. Screw that!
Please, end this bloody Potter nightmare before it is too late!
