Microsoft hypes Windows Phone 7 before launch

Redmond’s overpaid marketing hacks are once again spinning the gilded PR wheel for all it is worth. That’s right, Microsoft wants you to forget all about the embarrassing Kin debacle and focus on its newest Savior: Windows Phone 7.

Now, TG Daily knows that undiluted PR spiel is difficult to decipher (and digest), so we have done our best to interpret the latest round of propaganda being disseminated on various Microsoft websites.

So, here is our version of what MS and the Balmy Ballmer are trying to sell the agitated masses:


  • Android – Ignore Google’s open-source mobile OS, meteoric rise and developer appeal. We won’t mention it if you keep quiet. Shhh.

iPhone – We’re not really impressed with Steve Jobs and his shiny line of overpriced devices. No, the iPhone is little more than a popular toy kept captive in a charming, yet walled garden. Of course, our walled garden is covered in luscious, verdant ivy and is way, way more sophisticated.

  • BlackBerry – Please, what have you been smoking? This is a phone for corporate drones who have no lives outside their small, smelly and claustrophobic cubicles. Sure, it may double as a pathetic thumb exercise machine – but otherwise RIM’s smartphone lineup is utterly insignificant.

  • Windows Phone 7 – This bastard Son-of-Kin is gonna be the coolest thing, well, er, since Windows 3.1. It will challenge the iPod (yeah, just like the Zune), humiliate the PSP with its Xbox-like gameplay (uh uh), destroy Android (pffft) and dominate the blabbing blogosphere for months (well, this could actually happen). Yes, people (who are these people, really?) will line up and camp out for this, er, thing. There will be lines – lines I tell you, days in advance. It will be the Woodstock of tech, baby! Are you ready for it – because we are! Goooo Phone 7. And remember, there’s no “I” in Windows (even if there really is)! Noooo, it’s all “M!”