How TG Daily is put together

The good Dr Spinola is a godfearing tee totaller who loves his iPhone, his Macbook and the Linux operating system for servers. He eats sardines and beans on toast.

The evil Dr Spinola is an atheistic old drunkard who hates Crackberrys, Linux, Apple and loves every bit of software made by Microsoft. He eats meat, preferably raw, and freshly killed.

They bumped into each other on and set up a dialog, sent to us by a concerned TG Daily reader. When confronted with the damning evidence, the evil twin expressed surprise: “They can read?”

[09:32:44] Good Spinola: Hey! I’m using skype on crackberry
[09:39:15] Evil Spinola: Style victim
[09:39:48] Good Spinola: no, very cheap phone calls
[09:57:05] Evil Spinola: Write me a bloody letter. You’ve still got some crayons, haven’t you?
[09:57:38] Good Spinola: yeah I do but I live in a paperless office now
[09:57:45] Evil Spinola: And the toilet?
[09:57:59] Good Spinola: that’s a paperless orifice
[09:58:42] Evil Spinola: Thank God I live 200 miles away from Oxford
[09:59:32] Good Spinola: my toilet is remote controlled but you’re not getting my password
[09:59:48] Good Spinola: it’s called whiffy
[10:00:05] Evil Spinola: Is there an iPhone app for wiping your ass?
[10:00:28] Evil Spinola: Or is that a hardware function?

[10:00:48] Good Spinola: I have an iPhone asshole who manages my apps
[10:02:23] Evil Spinola: There should be an app for that because every time I see someone with an iPhone or a Blackberry, I have an uncontrollable desire to shove it up their… [NO CARRIER]
[10:03:03] Good Spinola: I have the Lino operating system in my bathroom
[10:03:44] Evil Spinola: Doesn’t it have Windows?
[10:03:56] Good Spinola: it has two Windows but the blinds are down
[10:04:29] Evil Spinola: If you upgraded to Win7, Aero Peek would let people see through them while you were in the shower
[10:05:11] Evil Spinola: Which would obviously be horrible. For them.
[10:05:42] Good Spinola: do you have an intelligent house?
[10:06:02] Evil Spinola: Sorry, you’re breaking up. An intelligent arse?
[10:08:50] Good Spinola: No, a house controlled by remote control that automatically turns lights off and on again
[10:10:05] Evil Spinola: Mine’s semi-intelligent. I turn the lights on and they go off automatically when the power company disconnects me for non-payment.
[10:15:50] Good Spinola: I thought you were rich?
[10:16:15] Good Spinola: How do you deal with spam?
[10:17:03] Evil Spinola: Bit of a problem since I lost the can opener
[10:17:41] Good Spinola: don’t you have an iPhone can opener? Like the iPhone spirit level, it’s very useful in everyday life. Or the iPhone virtual pint? Goes down a treat
[10:18:17] Evil Spinola: A virtual pint is virtually useless
[10:18:29] Good Spinola: I have 300 applications on my iPhone. My favorite application is the metal detector
[10:19:12] Evil Spinola: You should have installed the bullshit detector app first and saved on buying the other 299
[10:19:57] Good Spinola: no! Some of them are free! I like nothing better on my Macbook than finding out new apps in the appstore, obviously using the Safari browser
[10:20:44] Evil Spinola: Ah. New meds?
[10:21:04] Good Spinola: Meds?
[10:22:14] Evil Spinola: The little pills that make you happy and give all your money to Steve Jobs to spend on black turtlenecks
[10:26:32] Good Spinola: This conversation is going nowhere
[10:28:10] Evil Spinola: Pour yourself another gin and it’ll look better