Sad Twitterers pay for friends

Just when it seemed that Twitter users couldn’t become any sadder, news reaches us that an Australian outfit is offering to sell followers to pathetic imbeciles who have no real friends.

Australian social media company uSocial is offering a service to sell followers to Twitter users for just $87 a thousand, although really loaded losers can buy up to 100,000 imaginary friends.

Says the company: “The simple fact is, Twitter followers are worth money to you and your business. The more followers you have, the more money you will inevitably make marketing your products and services to them.

“While all followers won’t be responsive customers, many will – with our own accounts we find that each follower we have is worth about $0.10 to us every month, says the company on its website. “Therefore, for every 1,000 followers, you should earn around $100 from them per month. Have 10,000? That’s a further $1,000 per month for you or your company.”

The company says people are queuing up to use its service for saddoes.

Leon Hill, CEO of uSocial, says the company searches Twitter to find out what users are interested in and then sends messages to potential followers telling them about the new Twitter user they might want to follow. It probably forgets to mention that they’ve paid to buy their new friends.

And uSocial doesn’t give up until it’s found the number of people the lonely Twitterer has paid for. So far, the company says 150 customers have bought followers and another 90 campaigns are about to start.

“A woman who runs yoga classes is one of our clients,” says Hill. “[and] so are some religious organisations including a man who just wants to get the word out about God.”

Presumably this means that God doesn’t use Twitter himself.

“This service will guarantee you a slew of new followers in the time stated or we’ll provide you with a further 20 percent at no charge,” adds uSocial, breathlessly. “In other words, we’re so confident that we’ll deliver on our promises or you’ll get 20 percent more followers than you’ve paid for in the end.

“So, are you ready to reap the benefits of what a follower-rich Twitter account will give you? Are you ready to begin reaping several thousand dollars extra per month from your business, simply marketing on Twitter? Then all you need to do is to place your order below right now!”