Pain in the ass? Get an iPhone

Mebane (NC) – Behavioral Health Associates has launched an iPhone Irritable Bowel Syndrome symptom tracker application. The software helps users keep track of bowel function as well as ten other variables in order to create ‘an accurate picture of the IBS symptom experience’, although that should perhaps be ‘the iBS experience’.

The application prepares 24 hour, one week and 90 day graphs of symptoms and can e-mail these graphs along with a text summary to any e-mail address of the user’s choosing. Just the sort of thing their friends would appreciate receiving. Exactly where the iPhone has to be inserted to measure these parameters is not explained.

And in one of those priceless let’s-print-exactly-what-the-press-release-says moments, the press release says:

“People with IBS are encouraged to purchase this application, which retails for $3.99. By recording post bowel movement data, as well as anywhere from 1-5 momentary assessments at convenient times during the day, a clear picture of relationships between symptoms can be developed. The graphs and data produced by the symptom tracker can help patients communicate with their physician about this condition and can help users develop a greater sense of control through learning about their own symptom experience.”

On a more serious note, Irritable Bowel Syndrome is a condition of brain/gut dysfunction where patients experience abdominal pain or discomfort that is decreased after bowel movement. Commonly, bowel movements with this condition will have a diarrheal or constipated consistency and be accompanied by a sense of urgency. Many patients report that stress can play a role in their symptoms and research has shown that a number of psychological and biological variables impact IBS experience.

But hey! That’s enough seriousness – on with the iPhone crap jokes!

A guy walks into a rest room with an iPhone. The attendant says “Remember to wash your hands after using that thing, buddy, you don’t know where it’s been. Oh, you do…”