Analysts spout crap, charge megabucks

Opinion: Analysts are just journalists in sharp suits who only have to write two stories a year for their $250K salaries. And just because you have to pay through the nose to read their words of wisdom doesn’t magically make them any more right than the lowliest trainee hack on Graphics Card Weekly.

Analysts have it made. Flash offices; sharp suits; expense account lunches; no real work to do. Compare and contrast with the average journalist: lives in a cardboard box; eats dog food; and has to turn out six stories a day or have his Everclear allowance cut off.

We noted with interest earlier today that Gartner analysts reckon it will cost a staggering $1930 per seat to upgrade from Windows XP to Windows 7. We checked the Gartner site to see how they came to this conclusion and discovered that we could download a report on Windows 7 migration costs for just $195. For 12 pages. We somehow resisted the temptation to reach for our credit card (even if we had any credit left on it) to pay $16.25 a page to discover the answer and instead emailed Gartner.

Seven hours ago.

We received an email saying that their folks on the West Coast will speak to us. It’s now 1000 in LA and still no word, despite everyone there famously starting work at 0430. No doubt they’re still pressing their Armani suits.

So it remains a mystery as to where the figure of almost two thousand bucks a seat to upgrade to Windows 7 comes from. Especially when a quick glance at Dell’s site tells us we could buy any number of quad core, 4GB Inspirons with a 20 inch monitor, 640GB hard disk and a free upgrade to 64 bit Win7 for $749.

And this will of course work out considerably cheaper if you buy 5,000 of the things.

So where the remaining $1,181 is being spent remains a mystery. Perhaps all employees are being given a free holiday in Hawaii to recover from the stress of being asked to use Windows 7.

Of course, merely buying a volume license for Win 7 will work out at around fifty cents a seat for a large organisation, so we can only assume that most of the $1,930 tab Gartner predicts will be spent on paying large consultancy firms such as, oooh, let’s pluck one out of the air, Gartner, for advising people on how to carry out a simple upgrade to an operating system.

Nice work if you can get it, guys.

As of press time, Gartner has completely failed to reply to our original question, presumably because they realized we weren’t going to hand over any money.

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Moving to Windows 7 is inevitable