Opinion: Lots of royal wedding smartphone apps hits market

Do you have plenty of time to waste on useless crap? Then you may want to download a royal wedding countdown clock on your smartphone.

If you’re one of those people who like to focus on trivial things like celebrity weddings, then you’ll be happy to know that the Associated Press is reporting that over a dozen smartphone apps are now available to bring fans everything royal wedding-related wherever they are. So if you have nothing productive to do, you can check the days and minutes until Prince William and Kate Middleton’s April 29 wedding.


You can also see news and pictures about them, and you can instantly share your favorite royal wedding tidbits on social media networks. Because who cares about Japan, or the economy, or the three wars the US is involved in right now, that stuff is boring! I just want to bury my head in the sand!


The majority of these apps are designed for iPhones or iPads because Apple approves of this nonsense, but not a radiation level app. Luckily some of these apps are mildly informative. For example: There are apps that will have live coverage of the wedding on that day, a weather forecast for London’s Westminster Abbey up to 10 days in advance, and royal protocol in case, for whatever reason, you need to greet the queen.

But just know that those elitists they would never send you an invitation, not in a million years. You’ll never meet the queen.

Hello! Magazine, a popular publication full of mindless celebrity news, promises that they’ll have exclusive commentary, while an app created by mobile games company Neon Play has partnered with Ian Jones, a photographer who has snapped William’s portrait in the past, to provide up to 100 exclusive images of the royal family.

If that isn’t enough celebrity worship, one iPhone app, called “Alarm Royale”, even lets people set their phone alarm to a wedding march or royal-themed music like “God Save the Queen” and “Rule Britannia.” When a person wakes up, the app will also show them a new fact about the royal couple every day, said developer Mark Riley.

It’s fairly lighthearted,” he said. “There are more modern elements in it as well, like social networking — you can share the facts on Facebook and Twitter.”

There’s also an app that lets users leave marriage advice for the happy couple via a virtual guestbook. The prince and princess-to-be will never read this virtual guestbook, but I am certain that many stereotypical, goofball Americans will waste their time with it anyways. They call these people the lowest common denominator, and these people drive me crazy when I go out in public.

App designers have all the right in the world to market their products to the celebrity tabloid crowd, but I don’t have to like it. I read the AP story about it this morning over coffee in The Detroit News this morning and I couldn’t believe it. Why Americans would want to waste their time on such useless news via apps is beyond me.

I just know that I hate it.