Arrogant Apple offers iPhone 4 bumper bribe

Apple CEO Steve Jobs is attempting to appease frustrated iPhone 4 owners by bribing them with free bumpers.

So forget about a mass recall, it just ain’t happening.

Why, you ask?

Well, according to the unrepentant Jobs, the iPhone antennae is still one of the “most advanced” ever designed for a smartphone.

“[Yes], we’re not perfect,” Jobs arrogantly acknowledged at an emergency conference in Cupertino.

“[But] the problem was blown so out of proportion, it’s incredible.”

Although Jobs conceded Apple had initially “screwed up” the phone’s signal algorithm, he insisted the return rate for the iPhone was only 1.7% – or less than a third of the return rate for the iPhone 3GS.

So there you have it, folks. 

Anyone who buys an iPhone 4 through September 30 will be eligible for a free “bumper.” 

Customers who already purchased an Apple (but not third-party) bumper will get a refund.

“Pick a case, zoom, we’ll send it off to you…That simple,” Jobs pledged.

“No restocking fee or anything…We want to take care of everyone. We want every user to be happy.”

Of course, users who are still unhappy with the iPhone 4 can return the device “undamaged” within 30 days for a full refund.

Hmmm. Is it just me, or are those Evo 4G and Motorola X smartphones looking really good right about now!?