God sabotaged the LHC, say scientists

A couple of scientists reckon that God or time travellers broke the Large Hadron Collider. The duo, who are, remarkably, still walking the streets, have published a paper claiming that the world’s largest particle accelerator, which failed a week after being switched on last September could have been broken by divine intervention or time agents from the future.

Holger Bech Nielsen of the Niels Bohr Institute in Copenhagen and Masao Ninomiya from the Yukawa Institute for Theoretical Physics in Kyoto, say in their paper The Search for Effect of Influence from Future in Large Hadron Collider that “the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveller who goes back in time to kill his grandfather”.

The two also speculate that God may have shut down the LHC to keep it from discovering the elusive Higg’s Boson, or ‘God particle’. For proof denies faith and without faith, God is nothing.

Neilsen added: “It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck. [God] rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.”