Murdoch to merge MySpace and Fox News?

Rumor has it the media mogul is fed up with the failing social network and plans on taking it in a different direction completely.

As many of you know, Facebook is a site for weenies and people who have a strange fascination with talking about their pets, other people’s pets, or pets that they would like to meet, or make love to. This and also, it is a fabulous place to learn that that person in high school who made your life hell now weighs about 75 pounds more than decency allows, and is really, really weird.

Of course, MySpace could have kicked Facebook’s ass a long time ago because everyone on MySpace acts like a dirty little whore with a shot at getting on television.

Who doesn’t love self-centered skanks. Who!?

Now, Rupert Murdoch, the world’s most evilest geezer ever, has figured out that he can double his pleasure by combining his two sleaziest products: MySpace and Fox News are going to merge into FoxSpaced.

The new multimedia combo is going to be a mixture of social networking, for self-hating wingnuts who yearn to explore their homosexual desires while protesting abortion on the way to getting drunk on cheap beer and, a news powerhouse that makes you want to have an abortion while shooting a homosexual as you get amped up on meth.

“Fair dinkum, didgeridoo, didgeriday, I can finally put a shrimp on the barbie of life and make this stink fair dinkum,” said News Corp chairman, Rupert Murdoch, really old husband of a much too young Asian hotty who has obviously OD’d on the whole money is an aphrodisiac thing.

Upon hearing the news of the merger, Fox News’ Director of Impartiality immediately sent out a memo telling the channel’s blonde “journalists” to put on more lipstick, and the non-blonde “journalists” to raise their voices because “facts” get “realer” when they are shouted.

Roger Ailes, Jabba the Hut to Murdoch’s Emperor Palpatine, was told of the merger during a ritual sacrifice of a virgin at his coven, “I will use my immense power and girth to destroy our Islamosexual President with false accusations, innuendo, and Glenn Beck. This would never have happened if Ronald Reagan was still in power because, he would be dead, and I would control him with a magic joystick that Rupert gave me after he was done using it on Tony Blair.”

FoxSpaced’s development team will be based in India where all true American companies and entrepreneurs hire exceptional American wannabes. 

Sarah Palin said something about the merger, too, but she didn’t wink so, it doesn’t count. It’s April 1st so, she probably needs to spend it with her friends celebrating.

Oh, and yes, happy April Fools’ Day!