Lost: The Auction. Own crappy props now!

The passengers on Oceanic flight 815 should have gone straight to hell, but they only made it to syndication.

Not since Episodes I-III of Star Wars has someone come up with a bigger load of tripe than Lost. Yes, sometimes these Hollywood types make stuff up because they need the money. It’s not part of some grander vision or artistic direction. They need more episodes to make more money. There, I said it.

I saw all three prequels to Star Wars, and I watched the first four seasons of Lost.

But, I am not the guy to ask about these things. You could ask the guys who are going to line up for Lost: The Auction. Coming from Profiles in History, the auction of Lost memorabilia is set for this summer, venue to be announced. There’s Charlie’s DS ring, a Pace family heirloom; DHARMA condiment bottles, I kid you not; a milk carton with a Walt is missing ad on it, and my personal favorite, a set of approximately 30 DHARMA fish biscuits.

Unfortunately, there is absolutely no way of knowing if the auction will include the famous note from one ABC executive who said, “Hey, our focus group research suggests it would be really cool if the whole thing is a multi-dimensional existential dream through purgatory, which is being manipulated by aliens from a planet made out of smoke and run by Polar bears. Call me after my yoga class.”