Why Howard Stern won’t do an iTunes show

The Internet is all a-Twitter with rumors that Howard Stern is about to sign a three-year, $600 million contract with Apple for an Internet/TV/iTunes show.

Seriously, folks. How do these crazy rumors get started?

I mean, really, does anyone honestly believe that Steve Jobs – who maintains a zero tolerance porn policy – would allow Howard Stern to “pollute” Apple’s puritanical and clean-cut image?

And why would Howard Stern, aka the King of All Media (KOAM), even want to be associated with a company like Apple?

Think about it.

Yes, Stern’s contract with Sirius Satellite Radio – signed in 2004 – is due to expire on December 31, 2010.

But remember, Stern left the world of terrestrial radio behind years ago, because of a crackdown on perceived indecency led by the FCC, a Federal office which mercilessly hounded the shock jock for years.  

Now, satellite radio is currently free of FCC regulations, so it is doubtful Stern would willingly exchange a relatively unregulated medium for the stifling confines of an Apple-run show.

Similarly, Apple’s lawyers have little interest in taking on such a high-profile legal risk like Stern, who would inevitably expose the company to numerous and frivolous “indecency” lawsuits. 

So, that is why Howard Stern is unlikely to ever sign a deal with Apple’s iTunes.

Of course, any reports of negotiations – whether real or imagined – likely serve no other purpose than to bolster Stern’s position in contract renewal talks with Sirius.

Which is certainly fine with me. 

Hell, I’m still bummed that Howard Stern didn’t become governor of New York back in the day…