Twitter beginning to look like an ex-parrot

Last week’s big thing, Twitter, where sad inadequates post tedious and thankfully brief details of their sad little lives for even sadder saddoes to read, looks like it’s about to fall off its perch.

Over 60% of twits who sign up to use the cool, hip, fab and groovy micro-blogging platform use it once and never come back, says Nielsen Online.

“People are signing up in droves and Twitter’s unique audience is up over 100% in March,” says Nielsen’s David Martin in his blog.

“Despite the hockey-stick growth chart, Twitter faces an uphill battle in making sure these flocks of new users are enticed to return to the nest. Twitter has enjoyed a nice ride over the last few months, but it will not be able to sustain its meteoric rise without establishing a higher level of user loyalty.

“Even when Facebook and MySpace were emerging networks like Twitter is now, their retention rates were twice as high. When they went through their explosive growth phases, that retention only went up, and both sit at nearly 70% today. There simply aren’t enough new users to make up for defecting ones,” adds Martin.

However, it appears that Nielsen doesn’t quite have the courage of its own convictions, as it rather cravenly invites readers to follow its own terribly-exciting Twitter thread.

OMG. This is just too confusing. World ends. Must lie down in dark room. Eat chocolate.