Snowblind Ozzy really is a super mutant

Scientists have confirmed that the Prince of Darkness – aka Sir Ozzy Osbourne – is endowed with several enigmatic genetic mutations related to how his body processes drugs and alcohol.

Nathaniel Pearson, who was part of the team that sequenced Osbourne’s DNA for Massachusetts lab Knome, told ABC News that some of the mysterious aberrations had never been seen before.

According to Knome co-founder Jorge Conde, Ozzy maintains an “increased predisposition” for alcohol dependence which is apparently six times higher than the average person.

“He also had a slight increased risk for cocaine addiction but he dismissed that,” said Conde.

“[Ozzy] said that if anyone has done as much cocaine as he had, they would have been hooked.”

As expected, Sharon Osbourne reacted to the scientific study with little surprise.  

“I’ve always said that at the end of the world there will be roaches, Ozzy and Keith Richards,” Sharon said.

“He’s going to outlive us all. That fascinated me – how can his body endure so much.”

To be sure, the 61-year-old former “Black Sabbath” singer has admitted to ingesting LSD every day for two years and drinking booze “like water.”

“Given the swimming pools of booze I’ve guzzled over the years – not to mention all the cocaine, morphine, sleeping pills, cough syrup, LSD, Rohypnol, you name it – there is really no plausible medical reason why I should be alive,” he wrote in a column for the Sunday Times of London.