Raunchy Duke Nukem gets the ESRB treatment

Duke Nukem has been flagged as “Mature” by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) with an official description that reads more like a glowing endorsement than a warning label.

Why, you ask?

Well, first off, the ESRB says the game features some good ol’ blood and gore, intense violence, mature humor, nudity and strong language.

And if that’s not enough to get you going, there is also “strong” sexual content, along with a liberal use of both drugs and alcohol.

For example:

“Players use pistols, rail guns, shotguns, explosives, and Duke’s bare hands to attack and kill the alien enemies. The majority of gameplay involves destroying these enemies in frenetic gun and laser battles in order to move on to the next section. 

“Aliens are often decapitated or dismembered when hit, sending large splashes of blood across the ground, surrounding walls, and players’ screen. Some sequences depict more ‘over-the-top’ instances of violence: aliens getting stabbed in the head or impaled; a human soldier bursting into bloody gibs after being tossed through propeller blades.”

But wait, there’s more. 

I mean, didn’t you know that in one sequence, players have the ability to shoot human characters that are trapped in pod-like alien webbing, resulting in bodies exploding into pieces upon impact?

OK, well, enough violence for now. Let’s talk about the “strong” sexual content.

Apparently, Duke enters a strip-club level, views several topless dancers and receive lap dances. A couple of missions within this level require players to recover sex toys and pictures of topless women.

And then?

“A few sequences strongly imply sexual acts: two women appear to perform fellatio on the central character (e.g., raising their heads from his lap)—though there is no actual depiction of the sex act; Duke moans and leans up against the wall of a bathroom stall (furnished with a hole) – it is implied that a sex act (not depicted) occurs.

”The game also contains several sexual references and innuendo in the dialogue (e.g., ‘I have hungry-you have big egg ro’ for me, Duke,’ ‘If you supply the dancing, I’ll supply the pole,’ and ‘I’ll need something naughty to play with.’).”

But what would a Duke Nukem game be without the terrible puns? Luckily, the badass Duke doesn’t disappoint in that department either.

No, because his comments range from jokes about colon cleansing to several one-liners about sex and female body parts. 

“Bathroom humor includes the ability to urinate in toilets or urinals and/or pick up feces from toilets and throw it against walls… Players can use both steroid pills and beer as power-ups; when beer is consumed, the screen temporarily blurs.”

Seriously, is this an endorsement for the Duke or what?!?!?