Japanese first lady abducted by aliens

Tokyo, Japan – Japan’s space program has received an unexpected boost with the news that new first lady Miyuki Hatoyama visited Venus on a UFO thirty years ago.

 Japan’s new Prime Minister, Yukio Hatoyama, won a landslide victory last week and is set to take office later this month. Hatoyama is himself eccentric by Japanese standards, choosing to wear green suits instead of the standard-issue dark blue ones worn by most men and for not combing his hair, but his wife is rather more distinctive.

In a book entitled “Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered”, the first lady relates: “While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place, and it was very green.”

The 66 year old cookery expert and musical actress also claims she met Tom Cruise in a previous life – when he was Japanese, naturally – and is looking forward to making a movie with him in the belief that she is destined to receive an Oscar for her performance.

In her current incarnation, she performed in a series of romantic musicals to packed audiences of middle-aged Japanese women. She met the young Hatoyama when he was studying engineering at Stanford University. Their subsequent marriage, after her divorce, caused upset in staid Japan, where divorce is seen as a social stigma.

She is also the author of several books, including Spiritual Food and Have a Nice Time. In Very Strange Things, she says of Tom Cruise:  “He was Japanese in his past life, and we were together so when I see him, I will say, ‘Hi. It’s been a long time’, and he will immediately understand. I will win the Oscar for sure. My husband Yukio said to me, ‘Yeah, yeah, that’s a nice dream,’ but these days, he encourages me and he sits at his computer translating the script into English even though he is tired after work.”

And in bad news for Oracle, on live TV, she once described how she ‘eats the sun’ every morning, closing her eyes and miming picking pieces of the star from the sky and placing them in her mouth: “Yum, yum, yum. I get energy from it. My husband also does this.”