ESRB pens erotic ode to Final Fantasy XIV

A talented scribe employed by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) guild has penned an erotic ode that pays homage to up-skirt shots, female buttocks, rum and prostitution. 

“[In Final Fantasy XIV], some female characters are depicted from low camera angles, with lingering camera views of their buttocks (i.e., up-skirt shots),” the anonymous poet explained in an official ESRB ratings summary.

“Dialogue contains suggestive references; for example, ‘the netmaster’s probably up in his office polishing the mast just thinking about her,’ ‘stick yer manhood in the forge,’ and ‘you cheating little whore!’

“[In addition], several characters are referred to as drunk or drunken, while others sometimes talk about wine, rum, and grog. The word ‘shit’ can be heard in the dialogue.”

Unsurprisingly, Kotaku’s Mike Fahey responded to the above-mentioned description by saying that he “wanted in” the Final Fantasy XIV beta “so bad” he could almost “taste” it.

“The ESRB listing for the game reads like a menu of things one might find hilarious if they’d for instance, been up all night working on a rather large infographic.

“Yes, in my delirious state, I’d find lines like ‘the netmaster’s probably up in his office polishing the mast just thinking about her’ simply hilarious, and ‘stick yer manhood in the forge’ might just be my new catchphrase.”

I don’t know about you, but the ESRB’s ratings summary seems more like an endorsement of Final Fantasy XIV rather than an objective description of the title.

I mean, who wouldn’t want to play a game with up-skirt shots, amusing drunks and corny one-liners?