NORAD tracks down Santa Claus for smoking on the job

NORAD continues to hunt an old man known to smoke despite the fact he’s associated with children.

Santa Claus is believed to be nearly 200 years old, according to a vision by Clement Clarke Moore.

NORAD believes Santa is guilty of a misdemeanor, because according to Clement Clarke Moore:

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

It’s obvious Santa Claus is an unrepentant smoker, because his clothes are all tarnished with ashes and soot.

He may also be a drunk driver. People are believed to leave alcohol for the old man to keep him happy. He has a sleigh drawn by eight reindeer. He may also be guilty of burglary. The image left shows him with a bagful of loot he’s just about to take up an innocent householder’s chimney.

But it’s the smoking the authorities really want him for.

If anyone sees him, please call 911. This man is dangerous.

* The NORAD tracking site is here.